“Wasn’t meant to be this way, you know. We make our plans, sure. Life…life is what happens to you along the way. [Pan to: image of man holding baby]. You know, at first I didn’t want this. I didn’t want to connect, I didn’t want to get involved, but she kept on me – ‘this is what life is, this is why we’re here – to connect…to build’. We’re here to build something. And then we had Theo, and then I understood. She was right – we’re not meant to be alone. You know what she said to me? She said, ‘even the most damaged heart can be mended…even the most damaged heart’.” – Dead Man Down, movie, opening lines
No matter what I do, the Universe finds a way of sending me messages. Even when I’m looking for “down time”. Thank you, Universe. I just went on a week-long retreat in the “mountains” of Los Gatos, California for graduate school (sorry Cali, but driving up Bear Creek Road for 2 miles doesn’t constitute a mountainous area – I am prideful as if I know what mountains are, here, in Colorado). August 15th, 11am, time to go back to the “real” world. I made my way down the “mountain”, drove into the city, watched short and angry passengers duel it out with TSA; I smoked a cigarette; I waited, got some coffee and a sandwich, ate, slept, waited, slept, waited… I eventually got off the delayed flight and took the every-ten-minutes shuttle to my car; I asked Siri where the hell home was after missing a turn (sort of); Siri found home; I drove home, unpacked and did some other mundane tasks to keep up with hygiene and life; finally, I ventured out in search of food and a movie to fall asleep to for the night.
I found the best of all possible movies available at one of two kiosks for Redbox at Safeway at 11:30, and I chose two movies: one, purely based on the fact that Colin Farrell was somehow involved; the other, some hilarious looking kids movie. The opening line to the Colin Farrell movie is listed above. I. Love. Colin. Farrell. And, his movies. And I just want one night to two…years with him. Please. Hah, fantasy happens.
OK, let me backtrack a bit. My birthday is August 14th. One of my best friends got herself knocked up with a baby who just so happened to have a due date I am familiar with: August 14th. So, naturally, me, her stepsister (another very dear friend of mine), and her other stepsisters’ fiancé made a bet: the baby’s due date relative to our birthdays = money. The stepsister is born 8/23; the fiancé is born 8/12; I am born 8/14. If the baby came in closer to 8/12, the fiancé would win the pile of money, the pot of gold; if the baby was born closer to 8/23, the stepsister would win the same; if the baby was born exactly on my birthday, I would win. Baby boy was born on my birthday – and now my best friendship with the mother is officially solidified. Thanks baby Aiden Benjamin! :o)
I share all of that because while I intuitively “knew” what the Universe was up to when the new mama/best friend needed support in moving away from Colorado 2 years ago (so much so that I made money off of her child in what seems like a completely inappropriate but really just hilarious bet), I also didn’t know at the same time. The Life/Death/Life cycle really, really plays into this new birth for this very dear friend of mine – and for myself as well (symbolically). In short, though my intuition is usually quite accurate, I embrace the “not knowing” (and I embrace being reminded of that very thing with other synchronicities during these past few weeks surrounding this trip for school). The bet was a risk. But what in life is not?
I think it may be part of our jobs as humans to weigh our bets carefully. Is the risk of connecting, getting involved, being apart of a community, being in a new family…is any of it worth it? I don’t know. But I’m taking that risk, again, by finishing my graduate school degree in a community-based school. Yes, even after that dream I shared about going back to school. Why? Well, my fear of taking classes I hated didn’t pan out – truly, I got what I asked for in that post…! The thing is, I am used to being “alone” – and I am mostly OK with that. Sometimes, though, it is nice to have the reminder that maybe “we’re not meant to be alone”, like the movie suggests.
Point: I am excited for all of the transits in this part of the Life/Death/Life cycle. I’m excited for the new births happening everywhere in my life…in the lives of those people I’ve touched as well as those that have touched me. Thank you Universe!!!